After the wedding: the first month

The day after the wedding, the house is full of flowers, boxes and tired people, and there is still work to do. Most of it is small, and nearly all of it is easier in the first two weeks than in the third month. This is the list for the weeks after: for the couple, and for the parents who hosted.

The first three days

Check the venue and rooms for anything left behind: chargers, shoes, jewellery boxes, gifts, the priest's vessels.
Put the valuables away. Jewellery, cash gifts and important papers should go to a safe place the same night. Count the envelopes with two people present and write the amounts beside the names.
Return what was hired or borrowed: the sherwani or lehenga on rent, jewellery borrowed from relatives, the neighbour's extra chairs and vessels. Note what was returned and when.
See off the outstation guests and call to check that the elders reached home.
Send a first photograph and a short thank-you to the family groups, before the tiredness sets in.
Rest. A wedding is a week without sleep. The couple and both sets of parents need two quiet days.

The first week: payments

Settle with every vendor while the details are fresh.

Go through the budget planner head by head and compare each final bill with what was agreed in writing.
Ask about any extra charge you do not recognise before paying it, calmly and with the order in hand.
Collect a receipt for every final payment, and any security deposit that is due back from the venue.
Tip the people who worked hardest, if you have not already: the staff who served, the drivers, the helpers at home.
Write the true final total in the planner. Some day a younger cousin will ask what things cost.

The first two weeks: thank-yous

Thanks given quickly are worth double. You do not have to write to five hundred people at once. Work in circles:

Those who worked: the cousins, friends and relatives who ran the day. Thank each by name, and say what they did.
Those who travelled.
Those who sent gifts but could not come.
Everyone else, with a general message and a photograph.

Ready-made lines for each are on the wedding wording page. A photograph of the couple with the guest, taken at the wedding, makes any thank-you personal.

The gift record

As gifts are opened, write down who gave what. In many families this record guides what is given in return at the next wedding in that household, and it is the only way to thank people properly. The guest list you already made is the natural place to note it.

Sweets and visits

In many communities the couple visit close relatives in the weeks after the wedding, or relatives invite them for a meal. Elders who could not attend should be visited first. Carry sweets and a few printed photographs: grandparents prefer a print in the hand to a picture on a phone.

Photographs and video

Ask the photographer for the delivery dates agreed, and for a few edited pictures early for sharing.
When the full set arrives, copy it at once to two places, for example a computer and an online backup. Photographers do not keep files for ever.
Choosing album pictures is slow. Let the couple shortlist, then each set of parents add theirs. Check that every close relative appears at least once.
Collect guests' phone pictures in a shared album while people still have them.
Print a few favourites for both homes straight away. Albums take months. A framed print takes a day.

The clothes and the jewellery

Have heavy wedding clothes dry-cleaned before storing them. Stains that are invisible now can show later.
Store them wrapped in clean cotton cloth, not in plastic, in a dry place, and refold them now and then so the creases do not weaken.
Keep jewellery bills and any certificates together in one file.

Paperwork

Register the marriage, if it has not been done. A marriage certificate is asked for when applying for passports, visas, joint accounts and insurance. How registration works, and which office to ask, is on the marriage registration page. Rules and time limits differ by state and by the law you marry under, so check with your local registrar soon after the wedding.
Keep the wedding documents together: the invitation card, photographs of the ceremony and any certificate from the priest, gurdwara, church or qazi. Registration offices often ask for these.
Updating records. After marriage, people commonly update their address, marital status or nominee details with their bank, employer and insurers, and on identity documents. A change of name is a personal choice, not a requirement. If you choose to change it, each office has its own procedure and list of documents: ask each one directly.
Money matters for two. Talk about how you will run household expenses and savings. This is a conversation, not a form, and it is easier to have early.

Closing the wedding accounts between the families

If the two families shared costs, sit down once, within the month, with the final figures and settle whatever is owed either way. Do it kindly and completely. It is far better to end the wedding with accounts closed than to leave a small sum to be remembered for years.

Look back together

When the photographs arrive, look through them with both families. Write down what worked and which vendors you would recommend. The next wedding in the family will begin with a phone call to you.

Questions people ask

How soon should wedding thank-you messages be sent?

Within about two weeks. Start with the people who helped run the wedding and those who travelled, then send a general message with a photograph to everyone else.

Do I have to change my name after marriage?

No. A change of name after marriage is a personal choice. If you choose to change it, each office, such as a bank or the passport office, has its own procedure, so ask each directly.

When should the marriage be registered?

As soon as practical after the wedding. Rules and time limits differ by state and by the law you marry under, so check with your local registrar.